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Hi, it's Fred!
Today is Friday.
Oh my god, that sounds like Freday.
Friday, Freday. Friday, Freday.
Two days no school, pure happiness.
Oh my gosh, today is like this weekend to make the weekends the week and the week with the weekends.
That means we're gonna have five whole days off and only two days at school.
Oh, my gammit! I'm so excited!
And then there's really important holiday like Precident's Day,
We only have one day at school.
I think they might decide to do that this weekend.
created by walterclozet from livedash for CFT team.
Hey, hi.
Hi, hi.
See you guys tomorrow, see you.
Yeah, hey.
You never said it before.
Judy...
You might not be able to tell, but...
That's Judy...
She's my girlfriend... obviously.
This weekend it's crucial on our realationship, because...
Wait for it.
Get ready.
It's coming, hold on.
I'm taking things to the next level with judy.
And she knows it too.
We've been inseparable lately.
- So I was thinking of having a party this weekend.
- Yeah, we've been thinking about it.
- But i--maybe i-- - yeah, we aren't really sure yet.
Ow!
- What do you guys think?
[Playing chaotic piano riff] - I'm thinking I might have judy over today.
I'm not really sure.
I mean, my mom won't mind.
I have friends over all the time, and she never cares.
My dad doesn't care either, ..
He's not here.
He's not with us.
He's not dead.
He's just not here.
Can see how you might have misunderstood that.
But, you know, it really doesn't even matter that I just have one parent, because my mom loves me twice as much, and I pay her back by filling the whole entire house with beautiful music.
?? Somebody call 911 ??
?? shorty fire burning on that dance floor ??
?? whoa ??
every room in my house was constructed for a specific purpose.
For instance, this room, my bedroom, was constructed to have a perfect view of judy's house.
[sighs] Hi, judy.
Fridays are usually my favorite day at school, but I need some food for my body because today was the worst friday ever!
[laughter] - Whoa!
- He likes it!
He likes it, mommy!
- Oh! - he likes it.
- Thank you!
- Oh!
You want some more?
- Kevin, just leave him alone.
- No.
[glass clattering] - If I don't get any food in my body, then there's gonna be no blood in my head, and then my head might fall off 'cause there's no blood in it.
Oh, my gammit!
I'm so upset about what happened at school that I almost ruined my snack.
Cheese.
I say "oh, my gammit" because I'm not allowed to say bad words ...
The "d" word.
Anyhow, the thing that happened happened in music class.
I love music class, because, well, I'm a great singer.
?? 911 ??
?? shorty fire burning on that dance floor ??
you know who else is a great singer?
- ?? Freddy ??
- judy.
She sings like an angel.
But like an angel who isn't dead, because she'll never die.
..
Until she dies.
Yum.
Blah!
Hot thing! hot thing! hot thing! hot thing!
I burned my tongue!
[screaming] Hot thing! hot thing! hot thing!
I'm drowning.
I've decided not to have a snack after all, because I want to stay trim for judy.
To be honest, me and judy have hit a minor bump in our relationship thanks to kevin.
Kevin is a big, fat nothing, and I could not believe what I saw her doing with him today.
[together] ?? YOU JUST GOT TO BE STRONG ??
?? Just stop ??
- ?? 'cause I really love you ??
- ?? stop ??
?? I'll be thinking of you ??
[together] ?? LOOK IN MY HEART ??
?? And let love ??
?? keep us together ??
- oh, my god, they sounded terrible.
It was like my mom trying to fit into her jeans.
Hmm.
Eeny, meeny, miney, moe.
There we go.
It was horrible.
I mean, and she didn't even notice it.
You agree, right?
I mean, judy was up there, and she seemed happy.
I don't know if she was acting or what, but I have to tell her.
Maybe I'll invite her over for a pool party, and as we're lounging by the pool, I'll break it to her gently.
Judy, lover, you are a wonderful singer.
- Oh, thank you, fred.
..
That was a mistake.
- I need someone like you to be honest with me.
- Don't worry, darling.
I've just had a law passed that will have kevin arrested for the way he sang to you.
- That's such a relief.
[sirens blaring] - Stop!
Stop!
?? 'Cause I really love you ??
?? stop ??
?? I'll be thinking of you ??
- anyone ever sings to you like that again, just tell me, and I'll take care of it, darling.
- You're so romantic, fred.
- Judy!
- Just beyond that wall over there is judy's house.
She's only a few feet away, and I can't reach her.
They put up that wall to keep us apart.
- What you doing, fred?
- What does it look like I'm doing, bertha?
- Judy would think it's silly that you have a kiddie pool.
I don't care what judy thinks.
Why would I care what judy thinks.
What makes you think that?
I mean, it's just judy.
- Okay. you're not going swimming?
- No, I'm not going swimming.
I'm not--that's lame, really, really lame.
- Well, I think I might go swimming.
- Have fun. - ttfn.
- [screams] Oh, my god, that was almost so embarrassing.
Thank god I didn't invite judy over for the pool party.
Sometimes I don't think I know anything about women.
I need some advice.
I wish my dad was here.
Dad?
What do you think I should do?
- The secret is ruthless aggression.
- It is?
- You got to look at yourself and say, " show her what kind of man you really are.
Use those talents.
What are your talents, fred?
- I-i'm a good singer.
- No!
- Ow!
- You're a great singer.
You're the best!
It is you who take mere words and make them melodious love.
Are you with me?
- Yep.
- You got to fire up!
- I'm with you, dad.
- Well, good, just-- just remember, it's probably gonna get cold outside.
Bring a sweater, okay?
- Okay, dad. thanks.
That's it.
I've got to invite judy over so we can harmonize together.
And then she'll forget all about kevin, 'cause harmonizing with me will be so much smoother.
- ?? And soon both of us ??
?? learned to trust ??
?? not run away ??
- [smooth falsetto] ?? IT WAS NO TIME TO Play ??
- ?? we build it up ??
?? and build it up ??
- yow.
- ?? And now it's solid ??
both: ?? SOLID AS A ROCK ??
?? And nothing's changed it ??
- ?? the thrill is still ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hot ??
this is it!
I'm gonna go over to judy's house and invite her over to sing with me.
[singing in an operatic soprano] ?? ??
I'm so excited!
I smell beautiful.
Nothing is gonna come between our love, judy.
Nothing!
[aggressive hip-hop beat] Oh, my gammit, kevin!
I'm not going out there.
If I go out there and ask judy to come over in front of kevin, he's gonna undermine my self-confidence.
Maybe he won't notice.
I've got to try.
Here I come to harmonize with you, judy.
?? La ??
I'm gonna do it.
I can do it.
- Hey, figglehorn, where you going, huh?
- None of your business, kevin.
- Oh, okay.
What, are you going to judy's house for a little play date, huh?
You guys gonna do-- ehhh-ahhh-ehllll ahhll!
Huh?
You gonna do a little bit of that, huh?
- Kevin, that's not what I was gonna do, okay?
- Dude, she hates you, man.
Why can't you just get that through your head, dude.
She hates you. she tells me all the time.
I mean, like, she came over yesterday and like-- you know?
- She hates you, kevin.
I can see how you misunderstood it, because she hates you.
- She doesn't hate me.
We're on a-- we're on a first-name basis.
- Yeah, yeah?
She hates everybody who can't sing, kevin.
- I can sing.
This whole neighborhood knows.
[laughs] YOU KNOW?
You know?
The whole neighborhood knows I can sing.
I can sing, dude.
I mean, she hears me all the time, man.
I'm perfect; I got perfect pitch.
I've been told since day one I have perfect pitch.
I mean, I can reach-- I can reach all the notes.
- That--that's weird.
..
She thinks you suck at singing.
- Oh, you're gonna get it.
You're gonna get it, figglehorn.
You want some of this? - she said it; I didn't.
- Huh, you want it?
- [screaming] - This is my cul de sac.
It always has been.
It always will be, baby.
Whoo!
E)D0Lr cig+etš¢"h@ WhAND U CAN'T GO B",K bg-DOP8?
I was so close.
[door unlatching] [gasps] Oh, my gosh, kevin's trying to get inside the house.
- Fred. - go home, kevin!
- Figglehorn.
- Get away from my house.
I will call the police.
- Fred!
- I'm calling the police right now.
- Figglehorn.
- Already called the police, and they said that if you don't stop, you're gonna go to prison with the fattest people ever!
- Fred, open the door!
- Oh.
Mom, sorry.
You're strong.
- Fred, what's going on in here?
- Mom, I thought someone was going to attack me.
Although I don't know why anyone would want to.
- Maybe because of your voice.
- Mom.
Mom.
Mom! mom! - what, sweetie?
- I'm gonna have a friend over so we can sing, okay?
- Honey, no singing.
I'm taking a nap.
- Mom.
We'll be quiet.
- Can't hear you.
I'm taking a nap!
- Kevin!
I can't go over there and ask judy to my house with kevin out there.
He'll embarrass me.
Judy has such a beautiful southern accent.
I know it would harmonize perfectly with my normal human accent.
I don't know what to do.
- What's wrong with you?
Have I taught you nothing? - dad.
- No son of mine is gonna sit in here and ..
From kevin?
Yeah!
My house!
Sorry, son.
- I don't want kevin to make fun of me in front of judy.
[grunts] - Make fun of you.
Sometimes you don't use these muscles.
You use this muscle.
You got to out-think kevin.
You got to find another route.
- Dad, the only route is blocked by the wall.
- The wall is nothing.
It was put there to keep you and your true love apart.
- I knew it.
- I am taking a nap!
- [whispers] I KNEW IT.
- Huh?
- My time is now.
- Your time is now.
- My time is now.
- Your time is now.
- My time is now!
- Your time is now.
- Oh.
Sorry, dad.
- It's good.
You're ready.
- Thanks, dad.
- Before you go.
Little schmutz.
- Once I get over that wall, I can go up to judy's backdoor and ask her to come over.
I've never seen judy's backdoor, but I bet it's really nice.
I'm gonna use this to make a flying leap over the fence.
And then me and judy are gonna walk back over to my house really proudly, and then kevin's gonna be, like, all confused, so he won't even be able to do anything, and then we'll be back into my house before he even knows it.
Oh, and this is the trampoline.
I got it from my mom.
She uses it to train for work.
I bet you kevin never would've thought of this.
Stupid kevin!
Ha ha ha!
Kiss this, kevin!
Here I come, judy.
I'm coming, judy.
Just hold on.
Ow!
[screaming] - Freddie, you okay?
- I hurt myself while trying to get to judy's.
- Do you need to go to the hospital?
- No, I don't think so.
- Then I'm taking a nap.
- This is better.
Much less dangerous.
[grunting] Ow.
Digging's hard.
Ow!
[screams] I'm coming for you, judy.
Just hold on.
Don't give up.
Ow!
?? I've been digging in the tunnel ??
?? all hacking day ??
[panting] Okay.
Going back down.
It takes forever to get to judy's house underground.
Huh?
What's this?
[electricity crackling] - Oof!
Ow!
Mom!
- [deep voice] AWESOME.
Oh, my gammit, that was awesome!
I'm coming, judy.
I have butt loads of energy.
Here I come.
I'm here.
Oh, my gammit, I dug all the way to china!
[screaming] - [whistling] - I figured out what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna disguise myself.
Kevin will never recognize me.
He'll be totally fooled, and I'll walk up to judy's door and rip off my disguise, and she'll think it's a joke, and then she'll laugh, and then I'll laugh, and then we'll both be laughing.
[sniffing] Mm.
I'm gonna smell like green apples.
I have the perfect disguise.
I ordered it from the back of a comic book, and it is amazing.
It's an invisibility suit, and it's gonna make me completely invisible.
Here it is.
I've been waiting to use this.
Whoa.
See you guys later.
Wow!
That was totally worth $6.98.
Plus shipping and handling.
- Huh?
What's going on here?
- Where am i, kevin?
I'm here.
- Whoa! - no, I'm not.
I'm over here.
Think fast.
- What? - watch out!
- What are you gonna do, kevin?
- What are you?
- Behind you.
Oh, it's over here.
Oh, does baby want the ball?
Watch out. - stop!
- What, are you gonna cry?
[laughs] - Stop!
- Oh, does baby kevin need his mommy?
- [crying] - [laughing maniacally] Here goes nothing.
Oh, my gosh, that's such a weird feeling.
Floating shoe.
Who's doing it?
I don't know.
Must be someone invisible.
What the heck?
Okay, maybe I just didn't do it right.
One, two, three.
Pew!
Gammit!
[growling] I guess I have to find a better disguise.
Ooh!
Boy, do I wish I could pull that one off.
- Wait, what?
What?
- [furiously ringing doorbell] - Judy, I'm here!
- Is that fred?
- [gasps] - Fred.
I'm gonna get you!
- [crying] Oh, my gammit, asian people have kidnapped judy!
What do I do?
I got to call the police and the cops and the fbi, the cia and the fbi and the army and the cops and the swat team and--and-- I never had an emergency before.
I don't know who to call.
I don't even know what number to call.
?? Somebody call 911 ??
that's who I have to call.
- 911.
What's your emergency?
- Hello, this is fred, fred figglehorn, and I'm here to tell you that my girlfriend judy has been kidnapped by asian people.
Asian people have stolen my girlfriend and her stuff and her family. - sir?
- Although if you ask her if she's my girlfriend and she says no, it's cause we haven't told a lot of people yet, and we were kind of keeping it on the down-low, you know?
People will be jealous, you know?
Anyways, she's gone!
- Sir, you need to calm down.
- Calm down?
Hello?
[busy signal] That is really frustrating that the police won't even help me.
Her kidnappers could be anywhere by now.
She's gonna have such a horrible life!
- Fred, what is your problem?
- Mom!
Mom, wake up!
Wake up right now!
- I am up.
..
Judy's been kidnapped, and they took all her stuff.
She might be dead.
I don't even know.
- What are you talking about?
- Her house.
It's completely empty.
- Maybe that's because they moved.
- What?
- They sold their house to the tangs, and they moved.
I got their address right here.
They asked me to forward their mail.
- [gasps] Judy moved!
Where to?
- I don't know.
They asked me to forward the mail.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- Because, freddie, i-- I didn't know you'd be so upset.
I wrote the address-- - mom! she's my girlfriend.
Judy.
- Freddie.
I get any of their mail, I'm tossing it.
All right, honey, relax.
I'm going out.
Be a good boy.
You're a good boy.
- Judy, no!
[screaming] [loud animalistic roar] [moaning] ?? Judy moved away ??
?? I'm so alone ??
?? it hurts so much ??
?? oh whoa ??
?? whoa ??
- freddie, please go to sleep.
- ?? My heart is broken ??
?? and my mom doesn't even care ??
?? whoa oh oh oh ??
[snoring] - Fred!
It's go time!
- [crying] Dad, what's wrong?
- It's judy.
..
By kidnappers.
- Kidnappers?
Who are they?
- Her parents. - no!
- Luckily, in the final minutes, she sent us a transmission.
Check it out. it's right there.
- ?? Doo doo doo-doo-doo ??
?? dora ??
?? doo doo doo-doo-doo ??
?? dora ??
- that's classified.
Pay no attention to that.
Transmission. - oh, fred.
- Judy!
- There's so much that I wanted to say to you or sing to you or sing with you.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You've always known that to be true, right?
- Yes, judy, yes.
- I knew you did.
- Okay, judy, listen carefully.
- Yes, fred?
- You are under a bed right now.
- Ah!
- No!
Judy!
No!
- Relax.
We are going to rescue her.
Hey, hey, hey.
Why don't you have your seat belt on?
- Oh, sorry, dad.
I hope mom doesn't get worried if she notices I'm not home in the middle of the night.
- She knows exactly where you are.
- I've got your mail right here.
Take that!
Don't mess with my son!
- What a crazy dream.
But I think I know what it means.
I got it!
Judy wants me to come find her.
We have a psychic connection, and the dream is the only way she could possibly communicate with me.
I found judy's address on this map.
56 Meadow lane.
Sounds beautiful, doesn't it?
Meadow.
I wonder what judy's house looks like?
Oh, it's nice.
Jeez.
If I zoom in, I wonder if I can see her.
?? Zoom zoom ??
?? zoom ??
[gasps] Eww!
That must be the guy who lived there before her.
Oh, that is sick.
He pooped inside her bathroom.
The ghost of that guy's poops will be inside judy's bathroom forever.
What if they come back to life, huh?
I have got to get judy out of that house.
There's only one problem.
The woods.
[wolf howls] I have to avoid the woods.
[wolf howls] I have to.
I mean, I'd be way too scared to go back in there ..
..
Weiss.
- I'll get it.
[animal roaring] ..
He never came out of those woods, never.
Scary.
- 911. What's your emergency?
- I need to know what bus to take from my house to judy's house, avoiding the woods.
- Sir, I think you meant to dial 411.
This line is for emergencies only.
- This is an emergency!
Judy moved away, and I have to get to her house so I can invite her over to my house so we can sing together.
- Sir, please dial 411.
[hangs up] Rude.
Turns out that there's a bus that takes me exactly one block from judy's new address.
It's called the number seven bus.
I have no idea how long it's gonna take me to get to judy's house, so I'm just preparing for the worst.
..
Do I need ketchup?
Probably not.
But it could be dangerous out there.
I'm coming for you, judy!
[battle sounds] I'm coming!
[screaming] I'm coming, judy!
Wait for me!
Hate ketchup.
This'll be enough.
Ah!
crash!
Ow!
[Baby coughing] - [snoring] I didn't know how much the bus cost, so i took $25.
Well, here I go.
Wish me luck.
What?
It might rain.
Judy.
I'm gonna do it.
Let's do this.
- Hey, figglehorn.
Where you going?
- None of your business, kevin.
- Oh, where are you going, to a butt face convention, huh?
- I'm just gonna ignore you.
- Well, you're not ignoring me, 'cause you just talked to me.
- What happened to your arm, kevin?
Did you make a fake cast so everyone would feel sorry for you?
- No, it's not fake.
Actually, some guys tried to steal my bike, and I beat 'em up.
But it doesn't even matter, ..
- Why'd they all use the same pen?
- Because girls like the color red.
- I bet god pushed him down 'cause he hates the way he sings.
- What did you say?
- I never said anything.
I'm igning you, kevin.
- Then why do you keep talking to me, figglehorn?
Where are you going, anyway?
- Why do you care?
I'm not gonna tell you.
- All right, then, I'll just follow you all the way there.
How'd you like that?
- Well, I'm here.
- You have to take the bus?
That is so lame, man.
I have girls take me where I want to go.
- I have a girl.
- Oh, yeah. who?
- My mom.
- Oh, my god, man.
Is anybody listening to this?
You're such a loser, dude.
Where are yog, huh?
Where are you going, huh?
Where you going, fred?
Where you going, figglehorn?
Huh? where you going?
Oh, oh, is that your bus, fred?
- I'm not talking to you, kevin.
- Is that your bus?
Gonna get on the bus?
- Ain't got all day here.
- [laughs] I know.
I know where you're going.
- Where am I going?
..
- Come on, kid, I got a schedule to keep here.
- Here's $5.
You can keep the change.
Hi.
[gasps] Think I'll sit back here.
Uh-oh.
I'm supposed to be on the number seven bus.
- This is the number six bus.
This is the number six bus.
- I know, but if kevin knew all the bus routes and where they were going and if I got on the right bus, he would know where I was actually going.
So by getting on the wrong bus, he would never know I was actually going to judy's house.
- Dude, please chill out.
- Sorry.
I'm just really excited.
I'm fred.
Fred figglehorn.
- Derf.
- [imitates explosion] - Dude, don't.
That's lame.
- Oh.
Oh, right. I knew that.
- So, who's judy?
She have a sister or something?
..
Girlfriend.
- No, she's not.
- What?
Judy is not your girlfriend.
- You're right.
How'd you know?
- Lie detectors.
- Cool.
It's just, judy's such a smokin' hot babe.
Every time I see her, I just tingle.
- She makes you pee?
" - dude, take a joke.
What are you doing here?
..
Wong-a-nong-tong.
- Yeah?
..
You're not wearing a swimsuit.
- This is my swimming suit.
I mean, sometimes I just don't like showing my body too much, because, you know, there's too much sex appeal.
- Cute.
- Uh, how come nobody's here?
You're, like, the only one.
- Some kid pooped in the pool.
- Eww!
- The good thing is, now there's no line for the slide.
- I-i have to go, anyway.
- Yeah, okay, sure.
..
Going to my friend's house.
Girlfriend.
- Before you go, do you want to try something cool?
Pretty fun, isn't it?
- It's really fun.
My neck is hot, but my feet are cold.
But what if I have to go to the bathroom?
- Don't be a wong-i-mong-pong.
Well, I'm going swimming.
Later.
- I'm not a wimp!
[fly buzzing] Mm.
Mm.
[voices overlapping] - Help! - somebody help her!
She's drowning.
- No!
No, judy!
I'm trapped.
Just wait one second, judy!
- Fred! - judy!
- Judy, I'll save you!
Hey, bro!
I got it!
Get out of the way! get out of the way!
Move it, pop!
Judy, I'll save you!
Whoo!
?? Love ??
- [screams] - ?? Love will keep us together ??
[together] ?? THINK OF ME BABE WHENEVER ??
- ?? Some sweet talking girl ??
- love won't keep you guys together.
You guys don't love each other.
[together] ?? DON'T MESS AROUND ??
?? You just got to be strong ??
- why are you guys singing together?
- ?? 'Cause I really love you ??
- judy.
Judy, I thought we were gonna take it to the next level?
No! no!
Ow!
Oh, my gammit.
Oh, my gammit, I got to get going.
I got to get to judy's house.
[screaming] [dramatic orchestral music] ?? ??
- so did you get the poop out of the pool yet?
No?
Hey, fred, you can't show up at judy's house looking like that.
She's gonna make fun of you.
- How did you know I was going to judy's house?
- I didn't until just now.
So long, dong-o-o-fong-u-song.
- what are you doing?
You can't be naked in here.
- I was going to leave my underwear on.
- Yeah, well, nobody wants to see you in your underwear.
- I beg to differ.
I've been told my body's pretty attractive.
?? Uh-huh ??
?? yeah ??
?? uh-huh ??
?? yeah ??
?? uh-huh ??
?? yeah ??
- ?? uh-uh, no ?? - ?? uh-huh, yeah ??
- uh-- - get your butt out of here.
[screams] - I'd like a regular cleaning.
- Would you like a fragrance?
[sniffing] - Green apples.
- Green apples?
- [laughing] Can I get a green apples, please?
- Will you watch my bag for me?
[rings bell] - Where's your car?
[funky dance beat] ?? ??
- that was awesome.
[voices overlapping] - ?? It's about to get frightening ??
?? 'cause I'm out with no license ??
?? she give me that ??
- ?? beep beep ??
- ?? I give her that ??
- ?? honk honk ??
- ?? she give me that ??
- ?? beep beep ??
- ?? beep ?? - ?? beep ??
[together] ?? BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP ?
- ?? Beep beep ??
[tires screech] - Get out of the road!
- I'm sorry.
- Nice hair, moron!
- [screams] Oh, jeez.
[tires squeal] Oh, my god!
They sell squirrels!
I love squirrels.
[bell rings] - ?Cuomer ?? - squirrels.
- I'm busy. - and I'm grooming lancelot.
- And you're useless.
Yes, young man?
- Oh, hey, I was just looking at the squirrels.
- We don't have squirrels.
You might want to go to a park or outside.
We do have hamsters, though.
They're in the rodent family if you want to take a look at 'em.
- I saw the squirrels, and I just thought they'd be the perfect ..
- Look, I don't know her, and I don't care to know her.
We can't help you, but presents are nice.
I enjoy them.
- [whispers] GARY. GARY.
The young man believes the pomeranians are squirrels.
- I knew that.
- I don't think you did.
- Excuse me. - yeah?
- Come with me.
- Now, by squirrels, do you mean this?
- Yep, how much are they?
- 795. - Okay.
- Lorenzo, can you ring us up $795?
- $795?
That's how much my mom makes a year.
That is ridiculous!
- Never mind, lorenzo.
He's broke.
- Okay, well, I'm just gonna be looking around, so don't even-- don't even mind me.
- I won't.
- I won't even be here.
I'll be leaving soon.
Get in there.
Yeah.
[laughs] I've been wanting one of these for a while now.
- What are you doing?
- What are you talking about?
- Put the dog down.
- Dog? - squirrel.
- Hey, put the dog down.
- Squirrel.
- I don't have a dog, you psycho.
- Oh, my god, gary, he's a gang banger.
This is mace!
I will spray you. - no!
- I will spray you in the eyes.
- Lorenzo, what are you doing with mace?
- Someone has to protect us.
- This is not the time for your drama, okay?
- Put the dog back.
- I would do what he-- - I don't have a dog.
- Lady, clear out!
Put the dog back.
- It's not a dog.
Spray him, he's got crazy in his eyes!
- leave me alon - put the dog back.
- Spray him.
- Don't tell me what to do!
- [screams] - Gary!
Look what you've made us do!
- My beautiful eyes.
- Tell your friends not to mess with us!
[bell rings] - This is worse than when you made me stay at the marriott!
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, hey, sir, do you know how to get to meadow lane from here?
What?
I can't understand you;i'm sorry.
Oh, my god.
There's something wrong with me.
Why is there a voice in my head that doesn't even make sense?
Are you a space man?
Is that what you are?
You're doing something to me,aren't you?
You're gonna ruin my brain!
Get away from me, space man!
I will not let you ruin my brain.
[screams] [screaming] [toilet flushes] [screaming] Dam.
- Dam, indeedy.
- Oh.
- Hey, watch that cussing.
I'm just playing.
It's a dam. it's what it is.
- I was just looking.
- Good for you. you should look.
Soak her in.
Soak in all the dam beauty.
I'll tell you what, she's the single greatest feat of engineering in the entire county.
Hey, you know what this dam is made out of, don't you?
- No.
- Sweat and ingenuity, friend.
Sweat and ingenuity.
Ha!
- Do you know how to get to the numbereven bus?
- Oh, the number seven bus.
Well, just a quick little jaunt through the woods right there.
- [gasps] THE WOODS?
- Oh, no, no, no. don't be scared.
Don't be scared of the woods.
You're not scared of the woods, are you?
- I have to walk through the woods?
- Nothing to be afraid of in the woods ..
- [gasps] - EVAN...
- [gasps] - WEISS.
- [screams] - Oh, but if you're scared, I tell you what you can do.
You can just turn around and just go home and be home with mama.
- Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Mama.
- Mama? - mama.
- Mama, save me.
I'm a big grown baby needs his mama.
What's wrong with you?
Know what I'd do if I were you?
I'd man up.
I'd face my fears.
I'd be-- yes, I'd be somebody.
That's me.
Who are you?
..
- Man up, man.
Head into those woods.
Face your fears.
Do what I'd do.
Look at the-- respect the badge.
- You're right.
You're definitely right.
I should--i should go through the woods.
- There you go.
- Judy needs me right now.
- Do it for judy.
- It's just the woods.
- No big deal. - go on.
- I'm gonna do it!
- Run! run to judy!
Run to her!
No running in the dam!
- Okay.
[nervous breathing] Okay.
I'm good.
[deep rumbling sound] [Fred screaming] [overlapping animal sounds] - [whimpering] [gasps] Okay, okay.
It's okay.
Okay.
It's okay.
It's okay, fred.
?? Maybe if I sing ??
?? I'll feel better ??
?? this place isn't so nice ??
?? I never wanted to come back here ??
?? because of little ??
?? evan weiss ??
- I like your song.
- [gasps] - You're a good singer.
Mm-hmm.
You should thank someone for a compliment.
- [screams] - [screams] WHAT'S WRONG?
- You're talking!
You're talking, and you're a deer.
- Oh, for a minute there, I thought there was a wolf or something.
You scared me.
- Do all deers talk?
" do all deer talk.
Nobody says mooses or meese.
- Do you all talk?
- Some of us way too much.
- Hey, can I drop one with you?
- Drop what?
- A song.
- Really?
Okay.
both: ?? WALKING THROUGH THE WOODS ??
?? But there was nothing to fear ??
?? since I met my friend ??
?? the deer ??
- that's me.
?? Whoa oh oh oh ??
?? whoa oh oh ??
- stop. hoofer time.
Mm.
- You know, I don't even know why I've always been so terrified of the woods.
I mean, now that I've actually came here, I realize it's not even that scary.
- I'm out of here.
- I mean, the woods has got trees, deer, birds.
I mean, there's just so much to it.
I mean, it's more than just-- - fred!
It's me, evan.
Evan weiss.
I got it.
- Got what?
- The ball.
I got the ball.
- [screams] - I GOT IT!
- [screaming] - Tell my parents I'm okay.
- oh, hey, look, it's your little friend.
- Hey, figglehorn!
You need a ride?
[laughs] What an idiot.
Mom, drive around the block.
- I'm not your chauffeur. - mom!
- [yawns] - Hey, nice lean-to.
[laughs] One more. - kevin, no.
I am drawing the line.
- I'm gonna tell dad.
- Don't tell him.
- What is that?
- Derf!
How'd you get here?
- Dude, my question needs to be answered first.
- Sardines.
- Lunch fail, man.
- I know. I don't actually like them.
But when I packed my food, I forgot to pack a can opener, and this is the only can that had a handy little opener on it, and I've been walking all over, so I'm really tired, and I just got so hungry.
- You got to chill out, man.
- I'm going to bed.
Will you wake me when the bus comes?
- Maybe.
But maybe not.
Bus, man.
- Thanks, derf.
You're like the best friend I've ever had.
..
Obviously.
I'm doing it!
Wish me luck.
I'm going to judy's house!
- You want it?
Do you want it?
Excuse me.
I found this poor little animal wandering around all by herself.
- A squirrel!
It's a squirrel.
I'll take it.
This is my lucky day.
Oh.
Me and judy will be your new parents, and we'll love you forever.
- Meadow lane.
- Oh, my gammit, we're here.
We're gonna see your mama.
Here we go.
Judy!
Yes!
Judy.
- Mom, I hate it here.
I want to move back to our old house.
- Oh, stop complaining.
- [sighs] [crying] - Hello, miss.
- Who are you?
Fred. - it's me.
- I knew you'd come for me.
You got my psychic message.
- I did.
I brought you a gift, judy.
- A squirrel.
I love squirrels.
Thank you.
- It's nothing.
- How ever did you get here?
It must have been so hard.
- It was.
I crossed the entire city to get to you, judy.
Even the woods.
[wolf howls] - You went through the woods?
[wolf howls] - That's so dangerous.
I'd have been worried about the wild animals.
- I wasn't afraid of the wild animals.
..
Weiss.
- He's alive.
- He's very alive.
- Oh, my god, I'm so impressed with you.
You came all this way.
- But why?
- To see you, judy.
And to invite you over to my house.
..
To sing.
?? Do ??
- ?? re ??
- ?? mi ??
- ?? fa ??
- ?? so ??
- ?? la ??
- ?? la ?? - ?? la ??
- ?? la la la-la ??
[coughing] - Are you coming, or ain't you?
Can't believe it.
- Oh, my god, the bus!
[triumphant orchestral music] ?? ??
[voices overlapping] - Judy!
- Get it! get it!
- Judy, I'm here.
- Fred?
- Where's-- where's judy?
- Oh, my god.
Guys, it's fred!
[laughter] What are you doing here, fred?
- I think I could ask you the same question, kevin.
- No, you can't, 'cause I was invited, and you weren't.
So get out, dude.
- This isn't even your house, kevin.
You cant just tell me to leave.
What are all you guys doing in here anyway?
Just creeping around judy's house or something?
- What's it look like?
It's a party.
..
That you weren't invited to.
all: OH!
- Well, for your guys' information.
Judy would be happy to have me here.
I call her every night.
- Oh, my god.
What a loser.
[laughter] - Judy.
- Fred.
- Please tell me you didn't invite figglehorn to this party.
- What are you doing here?
- Don't you want to hear about how I got here?
It's a crazy story.
- Fred, I'm kind of in the middle of my party.
- I think she just told you to leave, mate.
[laughter] - Maybe you shouldn't be here.
- Judy.
You're right.
Maybe--maybe I shouldn't be here, because no offense to you, judy, but this party is so lame.
[laughs] - This isn't lame.
This is a good party.
- Yeah, now it is.
Oh, my god.
- Now it is.
- This is so embarrassing, fred.
- Judy, why are you being like this?
- Oh, my god, I can't do this.
- Judy, who are you?
Where's the judy I know, huh?
Show me her. show me the old judy.
- Fred, I think it would be better if you just left.
I'm really sorry, fred.
- Judy, I came all this way just for you.
- This isn't a girl scout convention.
We don't want any of your cookies.
all: OH!
[laughter] [all talking at once] - Kevin.
- Pizza shirt!
[laughter] [retches] all: OH!
Oh!
- Oh, my god!
- Figglehorn yakked it big time!
[all talking at once] - That is disgusting.
Oh, my gosh.
- [sobbing] - Fred!
Fred, wait!
- You need to send that to me.
- I got it. I got it.
[sad piano music] ?? ??
- hey, kid, you lost or something?
- Kind of.
- Where you going?
- Home.
- All right, my shift's over.
Get in. I'll take you.
- But I don't--i don't have another $5 bill.
- Get in.
- Thanks.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It pays to tip.
- Take care, kid.
- Thanks.
- Don't.
That's lame.
- Oh.
[breathing heavily] [screaming] That was so humiliating!
I can't believe judy had a party and didn't even invite me.
She's not who I thought she was at all.
I bet you that southern accent of hers isn't even real.
She's probably never even been to the south.
- Fredd, honey, who are you talking to?
- Mom?
Mom.
I'm really upset right now.
- Well, one of your friends just sent me a video about you on the computer.
- About me?
- Yeah, you got to check it out.
all: OH!
- Oh, my god!
[laughter] - [screams] all: OH!
Oh!
Oh! oh! oh! oh!
- Oh, my gammit, this is so embarrassing.
47 People have seen this already?
That's more than my entire class.
51 People now, 51.
That's, like, three more people than last time.
Who posted this?
Kev smell my fart?
Kevin!
Oh, what a stupid user name and an even more stupid video.
Gosh, why do people watch other people on blue tube?
It's weird. it's cree.
I don't get it.
I just don't.
Oh, my gosh, another person just watched it!
And another!
Oh, my gosh, in 60 seconds, 60 people will have seen this.
This is horrible.
Imagine how many people will have seen it in a year.
Well, I'm not gonna stand for this.
No. no.
I'm gonna have a party, and no one's gonna be invited.
[rings doorbell repeatedly] - [clears throat] Hi, fred.
- Hi.
Hi, miss leebo.
Is kevin here?
- He is.
Come on in.
Kevin, your friend is here.
- Mom! I'm in the crapper!
- Kevin!
I'm sorry.
- Where's the toilet paper?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, who invited figglehorn here?
- I did.
Kevin, be polite.
- It's okay.
Kevin, I'm having a party tonight.
That's why I came over.
- See, kevin? - yeah, it's gonna be awesome.
I mean, there's gonna be lots of games and food and music, and we're gonna do a lot of illegal stuff kids our age can't do, but we're gonna do it anyway.
- What? - it's gonna be great.
- Oh, that sounds like fun.
- All right.
Okay.
- Here.
- I met your father at a party.
- Mom.
That's disgusting.
Come on.
What is this?
- Your dis-invitation.
I'm having a party, and you can't come.
- I'm--i'm trying to get it.
- I have to go right now, 'cause there's a lot of other people I have to dis-invite to my party.
Ha! ha!
- Oh, what a sweet kid.
Yeah, I'm glad you're friends.
- I'm not friends with him.
- Oh, well, you should be, 'cause he seems popular.
- Mom, I'm not even friends with him.
- I would be, 'cause he's popular.
- Mom, I'm not friends with him.
- stop touching my hat.
- Oh, gosh, right. don't touch the hat.
- Just wanted to make sure you knew you weren't invited.
Bye.
Oh, oh, it looks like you got my message ..
..
To my party!
Sucker!
- And I asked everyone, and they all specifically said you weren't cool, so here you go.
One for you.
And one for you.
Both not invited!
[laughs] Hey, guys.
Just wanted to let you guys know that I was having a party, but you're not invited!
[laughing] [furiously ringing doorbell] - What's up, moron?
- Bertha, hi.
- Hey, fred.
What's up?
- Not much.
- No? - I'm just hangin'.
- Okay.
I saw that video of you online.
- [sarcastic laughter] It's so funny, isn't it?
Everyone saw it.
I'm not stupid. I know.
I get it.
I'm over it.
Anyways, here.
You're not invited and I never was gonna invite you anyway.
See ya.
Gonna be fun without you.
- I didn't think that video was funny.
Are you serious?
..
[retches] And then kevin was like, " that's so funny.
Oh, but you weren't laughing, were you?
- No, I wasn't invited to judy's party.
- You weren't?
Well, I don't know.
I guess I just assumed.
Well, anyways, I'm gonna go get ready for my party.
So see you.
- Okay, have fun.
- Bertha.
Bertha?
..
Would you maybe want to-- like, you can just come to my party maybe just for a little bit.
You don't have to stay the whole time, but do you want to come, maybe.
- Okay.
- Really? - yeah.
I'm--i like partying.
I'm--i'm a good partier.
- Okay!
Well, if you come, bring a lot of clothes, and just bring everything you've got, okay?
- Do I just-- I can just bring anything?
It doesn't matter? - a ton.
A ton of clothes.
- I'll just grab the whole wardrobe.
- Do it now. do it now.
Do it now. now! now! now! now! now!
- I'll see you in a minute. okay, bye.
[laughter] - Did you get that?
- Hey, fred.
What's going on here?
- Nothin'.
- What are you doing with the camera?
- We're having a party.
- Did we talk about you having a party?
- Yeah.
No, sorry.
- How many people'd you invite?
- 100.
150.
- You got a lot of friends, fred.
- [laughs] BYE.
- That's good.
That's real good.
[funky reggaeton dance music] ?? ??
- ?? good look hypnotic ??
- ?? I'm up in the club and chillin' ??
?? lookin' for beautiful women ??
?? got an outfit made of linen ??
..] is what I'm sippin' ??
?? rollin' mercedes onzapatos ??
??
?? lil mama was just a fox, yeah ??
?? this is looking soft ??
..] ??
?? them other girl just fedoras ??
?? watching out for thenovia ??
?? when she lookin' likeesposa ??
?? quitate la ropa ??
?? and get her hotter thansopa??
..] ??
?? got them other chicksceloso??
?? want to get up on the track like this ??
?? want to get up on the track and twist ??
?? and know that she done got to put some body ..] ??
?? ain't nobody that's bad as him ??
?? ain't even nobody that's half as him ??
?? they really be takin' it serious ??
?? even though he only be practicin' ??
?? he like the radisson ??
?? girl, I'm the bellagio ??
?? come and get with the man ??
..] ??
?? baby, you can call me dryer ??
?? and I might just make you spin ??
?? 'cause your boy, he got that fire ??
?? when she bring that up on me ??
?? up in the back of the party ??
?? yo my man got thatfuego??
?? fuego ??
?? cuando ella esta bailando ??
?? esta lloviendo dinero ??
?? porque tiene fuego ??
?? fuego ??
?? had a face like molly ??
lo body ??
?? little mama got that ??
?? fuego ??
[upbeat pop music] ?? ??
- ?? long day tick tock ??
?? get it on get it in ??
?? show you how we do it big ??
?? grande, super size ??
?? I'ma act a fool again ??
- ?? kick your feet up ??
?? go, go, get it ??
?? got to kick your feet up ??
?? go, go get it ??
?? got to kick your feet up ??
?? go, go, get it ??
?? got to kick your feet up ??
?? go, go, get it ??
- ?? one, two one, two ??
?? hotter than a tin roof ??
?? cool cat bust back ??
?? kick 'em up relax ??
?? I'ma do what I do ??
?? just like I want to ??
?? when I feel the bass boom ??
?? step back make room ??
- ?? kick your feet up ??
?? go, go, get it ??
?? got to kick your feet up ??
?? go, go get it ??
?? got to kick your feet up ??
?? go, go, get it ??
?? got to kick ??
?? your feet up ??
- ?? let's go let's go ??
?? get your hands up ??
- ?? let's go let's go ??
?? get your hands up ??
- ?? let's go let's go ??
?? get your hands up ??
- ?? yeah, yeah, yeah ??
?? back at it and we bring the fire ??
?? make sure that you pump it through your amplifiers ??
?? your body is my desire ??
?? everything that you do really takes me higher ??
- ?? and I know you're feeling it when I'm spilling it ??
?? flow is oh, so ridiculous ??
?? and of course I'm oh, so curious ??
?? what you got me feeling, girl, is oh, so serious ??
- ?? I'm serious about you, baby ??
?? when you're moving on the floor ??
?? it really drives me crazy ??
?? I was hoping maybe you could take me ?? to a place on the floor so we can move some more ??
- Nice one.
- What time is it?
- Huh?
Oh, i-i'm almost done.
Just hold on.
Almost there.
Finally I'm done with this video.
It's gonna be so awesome, let me tell you.
Everyone in my school is gonna be so jealous.
But--but what if they think it's fake?
That won't be good.
I mean, they'll think I'm even a bigger loser.
You know what, I'm gonna send it right now.
I'm taking the risk; here I go.
No, no, everyone will think you're a loser.
I'm doing it.
Why should I even care what they think?
Fred, send it, send it, send it.
No, fred, don't send it.
Send it! send it, fred!
What should I do?
I don't know what to do.
What should I do?
beep!
Oh, my gammit, I sent it!
[screams] [funky dance beat] ?? ??
- ?? looking in the mirror ??
?? and I think I'm liking what I see ??
- this party be off the hook.
- ?? All the boys and the girls ??
?? no, you just can't stop ??
?? all the boys and the girls ??
?? no, you just can't stop ??
?? all the boys and the girls ??
- ?? my outfit clean and my jewelry stainless ??
?? step up in the club like ??
?? who he came with ??
?? at least twochicas speaking spanglish ??
?? jet black hair and they look outrageous ??
?? try to be the best ??
?? they dancin' crazy ??
?? scream live it up ??
?? yeah do that lady ??
?? I ain't got to say it ??
?? you knew that baby ??
?? we gon' make a toast ??
?? 'cause we celebratin' ??
- ?? yeah ??
?? I'm gonna live it up ??
?? live it up ??
?? oh hey hey ??
?? it's just another day ??
?? on the way to the top ??
?? and you feel the same ??
?? just never stop ??
?? we're gonna live it up ??
?? live it up ??
?? oh oh oh oh ??
?? you got to live it up ??
?? live it up ?? oh hey hey ??
- ?? oh-oh oh oh oh ??
?? yeah ??
- ?? yeah yeah yeah ??
[turntable scratching] - Word.
- ?? Oh oh oh ??
- ?? all the boys and the girls ??
?? they got it going on ??
?? and when the beat kicks in ??
?? you'll feel it in your bones ??
?? and when the bass drum cracks ??
?? and the needle drops ??
?? all the boys and the girls ??
?? no you just can't stop ??
- party! - fred!
- Party! - fred!
- [laughs] - ?? But you keep yawning ??
?? you keep dancing ??
?? and I'll keep pouring ??
?? you and me together we can make this last ??
?? at least for the rest of the night ??
?? until we fall asleep, baby ??
?? that's the life ??
?? it's just another day ??
?? on the way to the top ??
?? you've got to live it up ??
[both retching] - ?? A good beat never hurt no one ??
?? one ??
?? one one one one ??
- ?? my outfit clean and my jewelry stainless ??
?? step up in the club like ??
?? who he came with ??
?? at least twochicas speaking spanglish ??
?? jet black hair and they look outrageous ??
?? try to be the best ??
?? they dancin' crazy ??
?? scream live it up ??
?? yeah do that lady ??
?? I ain't got to say it ?? you knew that baby ??
?? we gon' make a toast ??
?? 'cause we celebratin' ??
?? get loose and lazy ??
?? vip status ain't no line to wait in ??
?? ??
- ?? oh, yeah ??
?? oh oh-oh oh, yeah ??
- I wanted to make it to fred's party, but my girl didn't want to go.
I like to party; she don't like to party.
I like to break it down.
[sighs] I will be at the next one.
- Oh, it was an epic fail of me not to go to fred's.
I mean, I wasn't invited, but I'm sure it's 'cause I wasn't around when he was inviting people.
..
A lot.
- I would totally go out with fred, but judy's, like, my best friend, and I would never do that to her.
- I was at fred's house, and, like-- [laughs] And we, like, hurled together.
I mean, we--we crossed-hurled.
[laughter] - I don't care that I wasn't invited to fred's party, you know?
I don't--i don't care at all.
I don't. I really don't.
I don't know why everyone's asking me that.
Like, you know?
Who--who was there?
- Best party ever, right?
Boys, quit staring.
- My friends, I don't-- where'd my friends go?
Hey, guys.
Guys.
- Hoo!
Hey-hey, that was some party.
Hey, mister.
Aren't you supposed to be in school?
- Hi, mom.
- You sure know how to throw a little party.
- It was over yesterday.
- Yeah?
Did your girlfriend judy show up?
- Mom, no, she didn't.
She's not my girlfriend anyway.
- Hey, listen, so what?
She's probably just playing hard to get.
There'll be others knocking your doorstep down.
She'd be lucky to have you as a boyfriend, 'cause you're good looking, 'cause you're a figglehorn.
- I am a figglehorn, mom, thanks.
- Anyway, I keep getting their family's mail.
Who's she think she is?
- I thought you said you were gonna toss all the mail, mom.
- Yeah, well, I'm a big talker.
What you look-- oh, nice house.
- Yeah, it's judy's house.
- Is that the house where you hurled?
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey.
I know that guy.
That's danny genetti.
- Eww!
How do you know him?
- We had a date once.
- When was that?
- That was about, I don't know, 15 years ago.
- I'm 15.
- I'm taking a nap.
- You just got up, mom.
- Yeah, well, whatever.
I'm taking a nap.
- [gasps] Dad!
What are you doing here?
- Taking a nap!
[doorbell rings] - Judy.
- Hi, fred.
- You're tall.
- Oh, it's the shoes.
You weren't at school today.
I hope you're not sick.
- I-i'm not sick, not sick at all.
- Were you taking a nap, then?
- No.
- Why are you wearing your pajamas?
- These aren't pajamas.
They're loungewear.
- Oh.
..
What do you want?
- I wanted to see you, fred.
- Really?
- I really wanted to apologize.
I just felt like I've been really mean, and I should have invited you to my party.
I'm really sorry.
- Don't worry, I'm totally over it.
- Well, I totally deserved to be barfed all over.
[laughter] - Want me to do it again?
[retches] - Nice.
- Apology accepted. - thank you.
So, can I come in?
- Like, into my house?
- I just thought we could hang out.
- And--and do what?
- I don't know.
..
I thought we could sing together.
- [sobbing] - Sing?
Me and you, like, together?
Singing?
Just--just hold on one second, okay?
- Sure.
- [screaming] - Oh, yeah, dude, rock on.
- Won't you come in?
- Thank you.
By Walter Clozet for CFT team. selenagomez.com.cn